You’re Not Missing Anything… Or Are You?
Your pursuit of Christ and growth as a follower of Jesus is the well worth pouring into above all other pursuits. It is the one that feeds every other area of our lives. Seeking Jesus in every season and living by His wisdom is what builds a singular ambition throughout our lives no matter the context. The internal growth can’t be lost. This is no less than becoming like Him. What’s more He promises He’s for us in it. He’s working toward that goal all the time. ****************************
What if all the threads of ambition running in your head aren’t left behind while you live in this season of young motherhood?
How often do we hear “you can have it all”. But we quickly find out that’s not true. Not well anyway. You might get a tiny slice of many pies. But no one who did great things gave 10% to 10 things. No, we learn you can only do a few things well. (Not to mention joyfully.) Or perhaps you’re doing it wrong if you’re not “having at all”. Others seem to be pulling off some version of that right? But we try and we settle for what we can accomplish or we give into discontentment, discouragement, cycles of selfishness, guilt, and martyrdom. Have you had that sense in the mundane moments of motherhood? Anyone might be my audience, but you the momma of young kids, weighing how to manage raising and developing these precious little people you do love so much but never quite feel up to the task to perfectly provide for- you are my target today. You who believe God gave you your kids. You who wonder if you there’s other things you should be investing in, working toward. Am I on hold?
But what if you could see that of all the things you might do, allowing Jesus to grow and change you and use you in the lives of others—in the throes of the most seemingly mundane cycles of motherhood—was potentially the most transformational and significant investment that you could be making? It’s not just that those kids are worth it; we brought them into being, we’re responsible them, they’re a privilege…though all that is true. But the Father who made you designed it this way, including when you could raise children, and how that would upset change in us. Let me explain.
When biology and relationship and intellectual and emotional maturity are all pretty nascent but still capable, is when most of us and most people throughout human history have become parents. Admittedly, we would probably not have it that way. Recent history in the most privileged and reality-bending generations to have ever lived- proves this. Parenthood is prolonged, dreaded, defamed, or altogether avoided now more than any time in human history. It’s often taken for granted that if we wait a little longer, we’ll be better parents. In theory, if we could write the story (as many are trying to do through technology and moral argument), we would have all the aforementioned aspects mature together in our 40s perhaps, and then “be ready”. Surely, we’d be better parents say, when we’ve had enough fun, time to be selfish and only responsible for ourselves, or when we think that we’ve reached some measure of fulfillment in our own or society’s eyes.
But what if instead, we need parenting as much as those incessantly demanding little people need us? To grow us in ways that career challenge never can. To expose our sins and weaknesses, and broken desires and misguided values, and misplaced self-trust in ways that all the things we pursue as “goals”, even hard ones of our own choosing, simply can’t?
Because this is indeed true. Children come into our lives precisely when we’re not “ready” for them because they mature us as only they can. They shape what matters. They slow us down. They speed us up. They show us how fast time goes. They marry struggle, exhaustion, and joy as nothing else does.*
I recall the first year I chose not to lay out my different categorical goals at New Years. In professional growth, family development, vocational experience, civic involvement, my reading list, my fitness performance, church ministry, spiritual growth, friendships, travel. These were my usual categories to analyze the years’ past growth and highlights and make goals and aspirations for the coming year. This year however, as I sat down, a bit of dismay in my heart over my ever expanding duties as momma and the pull to figure out how to order my time to still “be faithful” in all my areas of opportunity, gifting, and desire. Now I’m aware many people are not as Type A me, but surely you’ve felt the urge to pack more in, or find out how you can just squeeze in something else “fulfilling”, just something else into your parenting season. But this January I felt a different tug as I sat down to compose my plan.
“What if you just chose Me?”, came the Holy Spirit’s invitation, “…and let the rest of those things grow as they will, or not.” It was an invitation to let Jesus manage my life in a new way. But it came as my life was also feeling increasingly less balanced. I was 8 months pregnant with my (first) surprise third child, would not be pursuing the next goal of civilian flight nursing, and was a little over a year out from the next move. Accepting that invitation felt like “giving up” on things I should be building in, but it also felt like relief. I dared believe that invitation that maybe, just maybe, the most important thing I could invest in was following Jesus and let Him work out the rest. So I jotted a few thoughts about those areas down in my journal, and instead took the time to pray about ways I needed to change and a heart to love what Jesus loves and work for what lasts. Instead, I journaled chronic sin areas, took time to pray through the hearts I saw developing in each of my kids and how I might disciple them, and asked the Lord to direct my steps and all my values. That was what surrender looked like at that moment for me. What took shape has not been a feng shui of all my pursuits, but God at work in growing me from within that has affected every other value that I have. In the process, I have found myself learning even during moments of second guessing if I’m properly stewarding my time, talents, and treasure, that all that I could hope to learn can be found in the context of raising my children as my primary pursuit and time investment. **
The growth that comes from the wrestlings of motherhood is the very growth you need for anything else. We don’t figure out our lives so we can become good parents, or lament that we’re not good parents because we don’t have it all figured out. We become good parents and good (fill in the blank of some other desired ambition), by growing in the precious and sometimes painful privilege of parenthood. Whatever you sometimes wish you were growing in if it weren’t for how busy you are as a momma, you are better and necessarily prepared for because of the growth that parenthood spurs. Even if, and sometimes rightly when, that goal completely changes. But even more importantly, parenthood will and should change your goals and ambitions because of all that it teaches you.
There is plenty more that can & should be said on what God values in parenthood. What we learn of Him, and how that is what actually changes us against the backdrop of His holiness we can’t find comparing ourselves to any worldly standard. Paul said “But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not by this acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me…the Lord comes…to bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive (their) commendation from God.” [1 Cor 4:3-5]. Far from simply being a call not to compare ourselves to others or worry how we’re perceived, Paul says his own conscience is clear but even that is not his measuring rod. He knows that God sees the heart, and will evaluate each person’s work. This has the power to change how we see the seemingly mundane season of raising (young children) when the rest of the world seems to go on around us. Now if you don’t believe the Bible is the inherent truth of God and source of all truth and wisdom, by all means, you will chase the success validation of the world around you, other people, or your own definition. I know it is and I have fallen into that trap many times over. But it doesn’t last the end point is everchanging. He invites us to a better foundation of throwing our energy into building our lives with “gold, silver, and precious stones” that won’t be burned up when our brief life is over. [1 Cor 3:12-15]. I simply offer that this season of motherhood offers a beautiful opportunity to build what lasts as you come face to face with the struggles and inadequacies you’d certainly rather avoid, pursue God’s word for the wisdom to navigate them and value what He values, know Him in relationship, and be transformed over time for whatever the next occupation He has for you is when these brief days of motherhood pass. You will undoubtedly be better prepared for whatever that may be, but you will also have invested eternally.
No time is lost, no goal abandoned because I give my days and hours and energy to them. No selfishness abandoned that I am not better for. And whatever season God may have in the future, whatever pursuit, I will not be ready for it, apart from the training of this season. No time is lost or wasted. We are indeed in the best place we could be. When our goal is to follow Christ and live by biblical wisdom, it becomes the constant thread through our lives, no matter the season. The one thing that builds when our lives have this singular focus. Chase after Him. See all of my life through His eyes. What he grows in us, gives through us, and most importantly teaches us about Himself is more valuable than any pursuit of our own making. More unifying than any perfectly executed life plan. More lasting than any estate, even to eternal significance.
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* Now in the event, that you my reader, are not capable of, at a season to or may never have children, God knows the way to refine you and will bring about your perfect storm for your growth, as only he can, if you invite Him to. Parenthood is by no means, the only means.
**This is my no means a judgement on the necessity of or choice of dual working homes or mothers that have shared duties with their spouse. But it is a provocation to ask why we’re pursuing what we are in any given season- especially the young children season- and are we wholly surrendered to the gift given to us in motherhood or chasing other things.